


The One Where Alex Works Through Her Issues (Or The One Where Alex Gets Her Shit Together)

by AlexDanversHasMyHeart



Series: Yes, Dr. Danvers Companion Chapters [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex dealing with her shit, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-27 07:45:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9983396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexDanversHasMyHeart/pseuds/AlexDanversHasMyHeart
Summary: As the title suggests, Alex deals with her shit, so she can see clearly as far as Kara is concerned. We get to the root of her issues, well some of them anyways.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Yes, Dr. Danvers](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8859331) by [AlexDanversHasMyHeart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexDanversHasMyHeart/pseuds/AlexDanversHasMyHeart). 



> I know the next installment was for Kara and Sara, but I needed to post this one because it deals with Alex and her issues. It didn't fit well with the story itself so, I decided to post it separately. This falls between Chapters 35 & 36 of Yes Dr. Danvers.
> 
> Enjoy!

Letting Kara go was the hardest thing for Alex to do, but she knew it was for the best, for the both of them. It hurt like hell but it was needed to help them grown and to help them change. Kara was a person and not a possession, she was sunshine and light, like one of the brightest stars in the sky. Her mother used to tell her ‘if you love someone, let them go, and if they come back to you, then they are yours.’ She never understood that meaning until now and she knew that she had to ‘deal with her shit.’ Alex knew that she had to get herself together and be the person that, Kara needed and wanted. The first thing she did was quit drinking to deal with her issues, it was time that she faced them head on. The first thing she needed to do was talk to Maggie about their one-night stand, even though, nothing changed between them it was still needed that they cleared the air. She called Maggie and invited her over to her apartment so they could talk, and talk only.

The conversation went well and there were no hard feelings, they were still friends, and Maggie told her that she was going to talk to Kate. Alex was happy but also disappointed, because she tried to chase, Kate away.

Once that was taken care of, Alex went to her spare room and packed up all of her toys and everything else and put them in storage. She loved everything, that being in control brought her, but now she didn’t want to have that overshadowing her. If she wanted to get back in good graces with Kara, then this is one place that she needed to start. The room was cleared out and she redesigned it into an office, a place where she can do her work, and a place that she can go to get a reprieve from being surrounded by all things, Kara. She packed up all of Kara’s things and put them in storage as well, it wasn’t healthy to keep all of her stuff around, as a constant reminder of what she lost. Alex started going to regular therapy sessions with Dr. Hamilton, J’onn had suggested it, because according to him, she wasn’t dealing with the break-up in a healthy way. It hurt to see Kara walking and talking to Lucy throughout their time at the DEO and instead of coming to her, Wondergirl had gone to Lucy instead. Alex had to walk away from watching them embrace for a long period time. This is why she found herself on Dr. Hamilton’s couch for the third time this week.

“What happened today Alex, to bring you into my office?” The older woman asked.

Alex sighed, “Kar-I mean Wondergirl went on a dangerous mission today, that could have possibly killed her. She immediately went to Lucy and gave her a hug, she completely ignored me altogether. Even though I was the one who saved her, she gave me a thank you and went running to Lucy. Everything is about Lucy and it pisses me off, so bad. I was her handler before everything happened. How can she go from being about me to being about Lucy, without any thought?”

“Weren’t you the one who wanted to put distance between you and Kara? You went to J’onn asking to be removed as her handler, you got your request. So you can’t be mad at Kara for making Lucy her priority.” Dr. Hamilton wanted to make sure that she understood what Alex’s thought process was.

Alex knew she shouldn’t be mad at Kara for going to Lucy with everything. She was Lucy’s responsibility and not hers. She had to get used to no longer being Kara’s number one.

“I know I can’t be mad at Kara for that and I can’t be mad at Lucy because she is doing her job. I am able to admit that I am responsible for the two of them being together, but I thought, I was doing what was best for me and Kara. We weren’t working well, because of our relationship issues. That doesn’t mean that I don’t miss her because I do.” Alex finally admitted.

Dr. Hamilton wrote some notes down on her pad, “Alex, I am going to ask you a question and I want you to answer me honestly. Can you do that for me?”

Alex looked at the doctor, “Yeah, ask all the questions you want. I won’t say I will answer them, but you can ask.”

“When you first met Kara, what was your initial reaction to her?”

Alex smiled, “I was instantly curious about her, I met her at a gathering at my friend’s house, in which she was in attendance. As soon as I saw her, I knew that I had to get to know her. Do you believe in soulmates, Dr. Hamilton?”

“I do believe in soulmates, my husband and I, are true soulmates. When we met it was as if we were hit with a bolt of lightning. Our relationship wasn’t easy, we had a lot of issues between us and we went to different medical schools. We broke up several times, but in the end, we found our way back to each other. We’ve been married now for twenty-five years, our marriage isn’t perfect, we still have out ups and downs but at the end of the day, we communicate and let everything go.” Dr. Hamilton explained. “Why do you ask? Do you think that you and Kara are soulmates?”

Alex sighed, “I know Kara and I are soulmates when I saw her from afar and when she walked into my class, I knew immediately that she was the one for me. I know it’s going to sound cliché, but felt an instant connection with her. It was as if, I spent my whole life looking for her, and when she was presented to me I immediately knew, that she was made for me. It scared the hell out of me because she made me feel so much. I couldn’t deal, and we entered into a certain kind of relationship, and it worked well for us. Well at least for me anyways, because I had control over how I was feeling.”

Dr. Hamilton scribbled some notes down in her notebook, “This relationship that you developed with, Kara…” The doctor paused to choose the correct words, “Did it happen gradually? Or was it something that, you immediately thrust yourselves in?”

Alex pulled on her sleeves something she did when she was nervous, “It was gradual at first and then eventually, we developed that kind of relationship. It was consensual and she always had agency and control.”

“You’ve mentioned control twice in the course of five minutes. Have you ever had a moment where you felt like you were out of control?” The doctor asked.

Alex nodded, “Yeah, when I was in college, and again when I was in graduate school. It wasn’t until I was offered a position with the DEO, that I had finally had control of my life. I didn’t have to live up to my parent’s expectations. I got to live my life on my terms.”

“Then Kara comes along and changes everything, she challenges you in a way, that you’ve never been challenged before.” It was more of a statement than a question.

Alex swallowed, “Yeah, that’s a way to describe it.”

Dr. Hamilton wrote some more notes, “You wanted to test your boundaries with her and see if she would stay or if she was going to go. Eventually, you learned that she was going to stay, and that gave you a sense of control. Am I right?”

“Yes.” It was hard for Alex to admit.

There was a moment of silence, “I’m going to ask you another question, Alex. When you and Kara first got together, did you feel that you were ready for a relationship with her?”

Alex had asked herself this question a million times, “I knew I wasn’t ready for a relationship with her, but I couldn’t let her go either. She would have ended up in Sara’s arms, and I couldn’t have that.”

They were now getting somewhere, “Why do you think that she would end up in Sara’s arms?”

Alex sighed, “Sara and Kara have a bond that is unbreakable, you would think that they were the ones who were soulmates. They did everything together, they had almost every class together since their freshman year. Even when Sara dated my best friend, Kara was always present in their relationship.” At the doctors look, Alex elaborated, “She wasn’t directly in their relationship, Kara was there indirectly if that makes sense. Sara has some kind of hold on Kara, and I didn’t want her to have it anymore.”

“She had something that you wanted, which was Kara.” Again it was a statement and not a question.

“Yes, I was so afraid that once she was with Sara, I wouldn’t have a chance with her,” Alex admitted.

“And now?” Dr. Hamilton asked.

Alex continued playing with her sleeve, “I lost her and now Sara has her. It hurts because I knew it was going to eventually happen. I lied to Kara and kept a secret that her mother, well Diana, wanted me to keep from her. So either way, you look at it, I lost her to Sara anyway.”

“What was your relationship with Sara like, after you and Kara entered the relationship?” The woman asked.

Alex shrugged, “We got along pretty well, she was a sweetheart and I realized that she wasn’t a threat. There were times where I found myself feeling insecure when she would refer to Kara as hers. Other than that we got along fine.”

That was true, they did get along fine, Alex was priority number one to Kara and that made her happy. Alex knew that eventually she would ruin things and send Kara right to Sara’s arms. That was the self-destructive behavior that she needed to address.

“How do you feel about, Sara now?”

She tried not to roll her eyes, “I honestly don’t know. I want to be mad at her, but I know, I can’t be. I want Kara to be happy and to find happiness, that she is not able to have with me.”

“Let’s discuss Director Lane, you seem to have an issue with her, where Kara is concerned.” Dr. Hamilton pressed on.

“I don’t have an issue with, Director Lane, she is my superior and she is Kara’s controller.” Alex huffed.

Dr. Hamilton continued jotting down notes, “There you go with the word control again. You called her Kara’s handler in the beginning, but now she is her controller. Which one is it?”

Alex was silent for a moment before answering, “She’s her handler, she’s responsible for her. I was supposed to be the one responsible for her. Diana and J’onn had asked me to be her protector, and I couldn’t even do that right. Now, Lucy who is Kara’s ex-girlfriend is in the position I once held. I know it was at my request but I was thinking that someone else, who wasn’t as close to Kara.”

“So Director Lane and Kara used to date? How long ago was that?” She asked.

Alex thought for a moment, “About two years ago.”

Dr. Hamilton wrote down in her notes, “So this was before you? What is it about their relationship that has you up in arms?”

“What doesn’t? They are overly touchy-feely with each other and they act like they still have feelings for each other. I’ve caught them holding hands and there was one point in time, where Director Lane had her pinned up against the wall, her arm blocking Kara from escaping. They were laughing with each other. Then they ended up hugging. There is a no fraternization policy here.” Alex answered sourly.

It made Alex see red when she saw their display in the hallway, it felt as if, they were doing it on purpose. Every time she turned around she saw the two of them together if Kara wasn’t with Astra, she was with Lucy.

“Why do you think that you have an issue with the women in Kara’s life who either used to date her or is dating her?” The doctor asked she was trying to get to the root of Alex’s problem.

Alex looked out the window, “Lucy didn’t treat her right when they were together and now they’re acting like the past doesn’t matter. Sara because of how they are together…I wanted it to be me. When I was younger, I used to dream of being with a girl with golden blonde hair, with a heart of gold and eyes that were blue as the ocean. I thought I was going crazy at first, but I realized that I was dreaming of Kara.”

“You wanted to be Kara’s everything, you still do?”

Alex wiped the lone tear that was falling, “I do. She’s already my everything and that is why I’m having a hard time dealing with our break-up. Some days it’s better and then some days I find myself back in a crappy mood. I want to get to a place where Kara and I can co-exist without everything that’s happened to us.”

“And you will, this distance will put things in perspective for you. It’s only been a month since your break-up. Normally it takes three months for a person to get to a point of acceptance. Once you get to that place of acceptance, then you can move forward. You mentioned to me in our first session that if you and Kara were meant to be together then you will be. Keep believing in that the path to true love, is never easy. How are you feeling?”

Alex bit her lip, “I’m feeling a little bit better, Dr. Hamilton, thank you. I didn’t mean to barge into your office like this. I needed to get away and clear my head.”

Dr. Hamilton gave her a sympathetic smile, “My door is always opened for you, Alex. I don’t have a lot of people willing to see me. So, I’ll see you back in two months, if not sooner and we will revisit this. Sounds good?”

Alex smiled, “Sounds good. Thanks again.” She stood up and walked out of the office closing the door behind her. Alex felt lighter than she had before she entered the office.

She made her way to her office and again she saw Lucy and Kara sitting together. It looked like Kara was pouting and Lucy was teasing her. Alex wondered what they were talking about but she knew it wasn’t anything she wanted to hear. Alex watched as Lucy pulled out a familiar lollipop with the yellow wrapper with little red squares. She watched as Kara smiled and took the candy away.

“A sugar daddy, really?!” She could hear Kara asked.

Lucy laughed, “Don’t get all shy, you had no problem with calling me that, but without the sugar.”

Alex felt her stomach turn that is something that she did not need to know. It was too much information, but she was curious about the story behind that. Maybe one day she would get it from, Kara. She entered her office and decided that she needed to try and get over her issues with Lucy and Sara.

Two months had passed and Alex was in a better place, she had sessions when she needed them, and she began spending time with Vasquez more outside of work. Her relationship with Kara started to unthaw, they were able to find their footing, and now they were really good friends. She liked seeing Kara every day and hearing about her classes, or the professors. They reached a comfort level and she really enjoyed Kara’s friendship. They would chat in her lab about one thing or another, they would spar too, which was always fun, but other times they sit in silence.

She was no longer jealous of the relationship between, Lucy and Kara, after some time away, she realized that it was more sisterly than anything.

The ever-changing relationship with Kara had brought feelings to the surface, feelings that she thought were gone. The fluttery feeling of butterflies in her stomach was present, and she couldn’t help but enjoy the feeling. When she first encountered, Kara they were there, and it made her uncomfortable, but now she was embracing them. Alex realized that she was ready, she was ready to have a true relationship with, Kara. The problem was, Sara…her and Kara were together and she appeared to be happy. Alex knew that she couldn’t act on her feelings, that was until Vasquez gave her the idea of being a secret admirer. It was cliché but she knew it was the right step to take. Alex started small with flowers and food, then little things that she knew Kara would like. Seeing her smile made her heart soar and her laughter was a song to her heart.

Alex knew that she had to step up her game, and that was when she decided to give, Kara a massage after a difficult mission. She was hesitant to do it, but Kara didn’t flinch away when she touched her. That was a step in the right direction, at least from her perspective anyway. She came to enjoy the days that Kara stepped into her lab, and just talk to her, about anything and everything. Now today, her little Kryptoamazonian was telling her about her secret admirer and she couldn’t help but smile.

Kara seemed so happy about it but she could tell that there was an underlying sadness underneath. She didn’t want to break Sara’s heart, that made Alex feel a little guilty, but she wanted to show Kara that there was someone else out there for her. That she was the one for her, the one that could make her happy, the one that she could confide in. The agent decided to kick it up another notch and ask Kara to join her and Vasquez for pizza and pool tonight.

Kara had agreed and she watched as she sent a text to Sara, letting her know of her plans. She wondered if she told Sara who she was going out with. That didn’t matter because she would be spending time with, Kara and that is all that mattered. Alex watched as Kara left the lab to go talk to Astra and as soon as she left, Vasquez came walking in.

“You two looked all cozy, in here talking.” The agent teased.

Alex blushed, “We were just talking that’s all. Nothing more than that.”

Susan laughed, “Of course you two were just talking. I wanted to find out if you go the bracelet.”

“I got the bracelet, picked it up after I left work today. I have it in my desk drawer in my office, I have to write the letter out, and give it to Agent Bloom, so she can write it out.” Alex explained.

Vasquez shook her head, “That is entirely too much trouble to go to. Why not type it up on the computer and tape it to the box.”

Alex shrugged, “I want the notes to have a personal touch. The more personal they are the better, you were the one who told me that.”

“That is true, I am so happy that you decided to get your head out your ass, and get your shit together,” Vasquez told her honestly.

Alex beamed, “I am too. I really am.”

For the first time in a long time, Alex realized that everything was going to be alright. What happened with Kara was a setback, but this was a set up for something, better.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Alex is working through her issues, we finally figured out what was fueling her thoughts.
> 
> She realized that Kara was her soulmate and she couldn't deal
> 
> Alex had issues with Lucy because she broke Kara's, heart.
> 
> Alex had issues with Sara, because of the bond between her and Kara.
> 
> Alex is now in a good place where she can properly pursue a relationship with, Kara.


End file.
